Sorry i aint posted in a while...

Sort of couldn't be bothered really! lol

Well these last few weeks have been interesting! im back to my normal self now not really having wierd thoughts or feelings so thats all good.

College is back into the routine of being boring and cant wait for half-term (yes only 2 weeks) lol..

Ain't been to the gym tho :( culdn't be bothered to go cos it's kinda demoralising going on your own and seeing all the really fit (athletic, not the looking type) people. But i'll go tomorrow/tuesday.
Along with this i'm still eating much healthier then i used to be but i still "treat" myself regularly to bad things.

WOOT! Driving lessons started, only had 2 and i'm already way farther then i should be lol.. i even got to drive all the way home on friday lol. So yea, really enjoying it and cant wait to take my test cos ima pass first go! lol (i hope)

Youth Groups going strong now! meeting every tuesday evening and sunday morning, it's pretty wicked. We going to cinema this friday as our first official outing :) hehe.

Well...

This week has been weird! I felt down on Monday due to finding out some things, but i soon became happy again as i started to talk to people and also writing a letter to apologise to Becca.

Yesterday was fab, went to gym for 2 hours and felt better and then in the evening went to the first youth club and was enjoyable to be with people of the same faith again.

Today, i've been happy and confused because i went to college thinking it was a normal day but after a while i started talking more and gained alot of confidence then normal and people actually made comments about it! and so i was pretty shocked! I then went to songsters this evening and well it started off alright but it gradually got boring.

I've learnt theres a certain about of things you can actually tell to different people, for instance adult friends you cant tell alot to, parents you cant tell everything to, but best friends you can! So really if you want to talk about it talk to all of them!

Thoughts to bring me down to earth!

Did i really LOVE Rebecca? Probably not.. people are right you have to actually know them well to love someone.

So what was i feeling? Obviously i was feeling an attraction towards her but i was stupid to call it love, it wasn't as strong as true love but it was a strong desire that i actually wanted to be with her.. and i think thats why it probably went all wrong, because i thought it was love!

Now i've gotten over the fact she said no, realised i was abit too obsessive and wasn't really in love and just appreciating that Rebecca is happy not being with me!

Yea i really do like Rebecca alot and i want to be with her still.. i dunno if anything will happen between us?

Maybe my previous blogs were right and that i truly havent got over it yet and i'm just putting my feelings of rejection to the closest person to me.. i dunno.. i'll have to see over the next few weeks and months!

EDIT: i now realise why people don't like me as more then a friend, and i dnt blame them...

Recent days!

Well i'm getting better im thinking about Rebecca abit more now which is good! But at the same time i'm also thinking about the other person in more complicated ways! and well TBH i like it, but i don't think i should be liking it! Maybe i'll talk to the person involved and see what she thinks... but idk we'll see!

Well went to Sudbury tonight which was fun cos i got to speak to Clare and Kirsty.. shame Rebecca wasn't there but she was busy so it cool. I also got told by there mum it looks as if i have lost weight :o but i don't think i have! oh well gym tomorrow anywayz!!

Man i was so happy this morning for the first time in a month or so! Got told 13+ (youth group) was starting up again and i had been praying that the youth at stowmarket corp will get better... and boy! it has!!! a whole new room lots of people willing to help us its great! We now got a Tuesday evening club up which has finally started after 2 years :) and we also doing more "social" outings which is wicked!

Yay, and then the meeting was great it was sorta down to earth and realistic and not too "preachy" and the choice of songs was great esp. "In Christ Alone" which is my favourite because it's that song which made me become a senior soldier.

O today can't really get any better (well except the person in question comes on msn....) but hey 1 step at a time!

How lifes treating me atm!

Well my brain has been totally messed up this whole week and no signs of letting up -.-

Started college again and i hate it again! well behind on work and cant be bothered to work cos it's boring and at college too many distractions. I like being around people again as it does get my mind off things some of the time, but the problem is the people in my class seem to talk about things with a sexual innuendo to it almost all the time! like -.- it's wrong tbh. Then i get asked wot im doing for the weekend so i said "dunno" then there like "bet his gonna go out get pissed and come home beat the misses up" yea i knw there jokin but sometimes they can take it too far!

Also what i found quite funny actually is someone in our class who's an Emo/Greebe got told by our personal tutor he is the most "shy" person in our class! which is very funny because his always talking and stuff and i'm there hardly ever saying a word! It's unbelieveable lol!

Already feeling the pressure of trying to lose weight and eating healthily.. i'm always hungry and i've been naughty and had 2 mince pies this week! and somehow even with being to the gym twice this week and eating better i've put on 2kg!! I dunno how i'm gonna lose weight :(

Today!

Well today i went to College, and it wasn't REALLY bad.. it took my mind off things most of the time but occasionally i was thinking of stuff.

It was kinda fun catching up with people and hearing funny stories about things which has happened to them over Christmas Hols.

Now just watching Celeb BB (not that i care) and earlier found when im starting my driving lessons!!! GET IN!!! 17th Jan!

ok.. how am i going to cope?

I've just woken up to goto College and well i'm scared! i don't feel like going because i don't really like many people there and also i'm scared that when i go for lunch i will do what i have been doing and going to Mcdonalds or Burger King every other day -.- I'm trying to lose weight (as i found out rly how bad i am!)

And i'm thinking about random stuff again and it's hard and it feels as if it's never gonna stop! but AHHHH!!!

we'll see.. enjoy ur day as i probably haven't.

Little Less confused

Well i told the person that i thought of them for a while, and yea it did help! i suppose my feelings were just transferring to other people because i'm feeling down and i just need someone to be with me and help me! and well that person has helped me alot in the last few weeks (you know who you are)

But now i've told them i'm still thinking about them abit more... i don't like like them in anyway but i would like them to be more of a friend to me by chatting more and maybe meet up sumtime but meh i dno atm, just all confusing...

give me a few weeks or so and hopefully i'll start to feel better.

Now i'm confused!

Last night i was happy because i was texting my rly good mate Clare, but for some reason when it got to midnight i suddenly felt unhappy that it was a new year and i'm going to start it feeling like crap. ok...it'll get better hopefully but atm i'm confused...

This morning i woke up and well i was thinking about what i had been dreaming about last night, and this bit is really confusing me. I'm starting to think about someone else other then Rebecca and what it may have been like if i had gotten to like them, and wondered if anything culd ever happen, but the wierd thing is, it was only thoughts but i don't exactly have any feelings for this person because i love Rebecca so much, but i dno why im thinking about this person, i think i should tell them but im not sure as it'll make them think i'm weird or summin...